Update: Apparently people have been knocking on my house in
Irvine; I don't know who. I am not there and you are only antagonizing
Before going to my house, please read this, and ask yourself whether it seems to have been written by someone who wants anyone going to his house.
Restored website in need of place to share feelings. Felt I lacked direction in life. Decided to return to school and switch from computer science to art history.
Discovered Happy Hacking Keyboard. Ejaculated twice in five minutes. Seriously considered buying. Argued with Natalie whether white or black was superior. Felt strongly toward former. Was overruled. Replaced own opinion with hers.
Doubts resurfaced. Continued deciding which keyboard to buy. Listened to Marilyn Manson to get in touch with feelings. Inspired not to be a slave to a god who doesn't exist. Acquired direction in life. Decided I still want white. Dreading repercussions for political views.
Received email asking how I was doing and whether I was okay and wishing me happy holidays. Received second email asking if I was actually homeless. Updated contact information in response to both.
Neglected deadlines due to severe laziness and took seven-hour bus ride instead. Sat across attractive male in early twenties. Wondered how threesome with him would play out. He was wearing green plaid and cargo shorts but those come off in bed.
Successfully arrived at destination after being misled by Google Maps. Purchased expensive coffee. Expanded world view.
Started new photo-newsletter series consisting of captioned photos of myself. Sent to confused involuntary subscriber. Went to sleep giggling.
Woke up to accusation that I had missed deadline. Felt this was impossible. Overwhelmed by surprise and hurt. Refused to acknowledge possibility of my character containing flaws. Uncompromisingly maintained previous model of reality.
Ordered something for pickup. Went to pick up. Made 500-millisecond eye contact with female during bus ride but silent connection did not advance to sexual intercourse. Experienced emotions of sadness.
Went to library. Saw student who decided to reskin his beautiful MacBook Air. Felt less incentive to live.
Promised client I would have demo for him shortly. Considered thinking about working on demo. Spent next thirty minutes deciding whether I liked Helvetica Neue Thin or Lucida Grande better instead. Picked former.
Listened to Illmatic to get in mood to do boring work. Still felt unmotivated. Thought of an ESTJ who once explained to me that unpleasant work builds discipline and character. Decided I wasn't a twat. Worked on other things instead.
Assigned errand by employer to return article of clothing. Forgot due to brain lacking compartment to remember such things. Received reminder. Told myself I would take care of it then forgot once short-term memory expired.
Promised client demo at 5 pm. Considered preparing. Consulted morals. Felt guilty about giving too many fucks. Worked on other things instead.
Reminded of appointment by client at 4:55 pm. Hastily opened project and began programming furiously. Stalled by asking responsible-sounding questions. Felt like business major. Imagined myself with coiffed hair and Ray-Bans. Contemplated suicide.
Received second reminder from employer now threatening to beat me if errand wasn't done. Felt thrill. Opened website to figure out how to return clothing. Discovered I needed to submit a request and wait 48 hours. Tried logging in. Forgot which email I had used to sign up. Tried guessing. Was unsuccessful. Got beaten.
Researched art history programs. Compiled list of schools. Started working on college applications one year in advance as it is morally correct to finish things ahead of time to get them "out of the way." Involuntarily reminded of ex-girlfriend. Abandoned project. Lacked direction in life again.
Married Natalie Lawrence. Anticipated lifetime of domestic abuse.
Received email from client containing sentence "so now I don't like you" and demanding $200. Explained to client in indifferent lowercase with missing periods that I was lazy and that his problem sounded like a personal one. Received two apologies in response.
Played Gimme The Loot in my head. Agreed that "motherfuckers better know."
Approached by acquaintance. Made small talk consisting mostly of "hey" and "yeah." Successfully ended conversation before thirty-second mark. Recorded high score in journal.
Had otherwise mellow day. Forgot errands as usual. Watched sunset. Did not feel enlightened.
Had sushi for dinner. Observed Korean family having somber discussion probably about daughter's poor grades. Father picked up phone and discussed business with colleague for twenty minutes. Mother looked disgruntled by lack of unity within family. Daughter looked like she would rather be home browsing Tumblr. Laughed at scene.
Bellowed "fuck" impulsively in middle of road on the way back. Caught attention of surrounding cars. Man in front walked on unperturbed.
Abandoned responsibilities as the way to make problems go away is to ignore them. Watched as reality adjusted submissively. Spent most of day pleasuring myself.
Bubble of denial burst one hour before deadline. Began working frantically. Predicted I would miss deadline. Relieved when client cancelled at last minute. Took moral high ground for my superior sense of punctuality and responsibility.
Woke up to three angry emails in inbox. Responded to one. Yawned.
Overheard conversation on bus between two freshmen discussing how hard their classes were. Tried to stop listening but couldn't. Watched helplessly as my IQ dropped from 63 to 62.
Received threat that I would be penetrated anally without lube if I did not complete errand. Reconsidered safety of marriage. Decided "if it's not rough it isn't fun."
Touched myself. Had steak.